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Over many moons of pontificating to the unwashed masses, Mike (Sports Pope) Francesa has portrayed himself as the expert's expert, the All-Knowing One.
So when he admits he is a soccer dope, as he did Tuesday during his sermon delivered on the WFAN balcony, the pontiff deserves to be praised, not excoriated or lambasted. That is why we must eagerly defend Francesa from these scurrilous media attacks concerning his half-hour interview with St. John's men's soccer coach Dave Masur.
The soccer intelligentsia - or at least those following the sport closely - got their snark on, ridiculing His Holiness for asking naive questions they could easily answer and would never ask. How dare Francesa ask primitive questions that are beneath them, questions offending their soccer sensibilities.
Much of their scorn was based on Francesa asking Masur: 'I saw a guy make a winning kick with a lefty kick. Are there guys that kick with both legs?'
When Masur answered in the affirmative, the Pope, who rarely expresses emotion (except when he's trashing a caller, ripping Rex Ryan, or receiving primo tickets to the Stanley Cup Final from his MSG pals) was totally jazzed over this concept, saying: 'Oh, they do, huh? Wow!'
Either leg? Isn't it amazing, Suzyn.
Anyway, Francesa's inquiry was beneath the soccer crowd. What about the rest of us schlubs, numbskulls such as me who know practically nothing about soccer (and that's being kind)? Francesa's interview with Masur was designed for us. Hallelujah! This was the pontiff providing a welcomed service to some needy listeners. Francesa made his intent Windex clear when he prefaced his first question saying: 'For someone who knows nothing about soccer . . .'
For those of us who fall into that category, following ESPN's TV coverage of the World Cup is not easy. The play-by-play voices and analysts are broadcasting to the hardcore fan. The faculty at Bristol Clown Community College obviously decided not to have their voices bogged down by explaining the rules of the game, or its strategy, in an elementary fashion.
To ESPN, us soccer idiots, along with the more casual fans, are not a priority. To the Pope, the benevolent one, we are. We needed the pontiff, the Valley of the Stupid's spiritual leader, to ask Masur questions servicing the neglected - a soccer primer, so to speak.
Stuff like: 'Are every one of them (the greatest players in the world) participating in this event?'
'Of the 32 teams where would you put the USA?'
'Those great guys do both, they pass and they shoot, right?
'For all of us who just don't get it . . . What do we fool Americans miss about this sport?'
Francesa's tact here was not unlike that of other talkies. When it comes to yapping World Cup soccer, they have no problem letting their guard down, admitting they don't know much about the sport. They approach it from a novice perspective.
So during the limited time they spend talking Cup, ESPN-98.7's Michael Kay and Don LaGreca deal in basics, which are included in questions they ask soccer analysts. Some of the yakkers have actually used their limited knowledge to whip up some controversy.
Such as FAN's Joe Benigno, who cynically riffed about having 'a German,' Jurgen Klinsmann, coaching Team USA. When Benigno was told Klinsmann's wife is an American, and the couple resides in California, he wanted to know if the coach is a U.S. citizen.
Maybe Francesa can get to the bottom of this.
The Masur interview made us wonder what naive - but educational (of course) - questions the Pope could've asked in previous interviews, such as with Alex Rodriguez: Alex, what exactly is HGH? Did you get shot up in your ass or your elbow? What was your ultimate goal when you 'snuck' the stripper into that Toronto hotel?
Of course there's a flip side to Francesa looking out for poor, picked-upon, soccer know-nothings. When it comes to sports he invented, such as baseball, basketball and football, Francesa has no use (or two seconds of patience) for the uneducated. His soccer admission, and Masur interview, will not change his haughty style.
So when engaging the Pope in phone conversation, don't take the approach he took with Masur. Don't dare think it's now safe to ask: How many outs in an inning? Are baseball players capable of hitting lefty and righty? What does first-and-goal mean? Why do they call it three seconds? Why do you chain drink Diet Coke?
Francesa will regally wave off your tired tuchis then define you as just another dumber-than-dirt caller. His days of looking down his nose at his supplicants are far from over.
No matter how hard we defend our new hero.
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